You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?' 'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way. 'When do you get off work?' 'Around 3 miles.'
Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, 'No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?' Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?
Why do they call it a 'building'? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a 'built'?
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
I am so busy doing nothing that the idea of doing anything— which as you know, always leads to something— cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.
How come you have to pay someone to rotate your tires? Isn't that the basic idea behind the wheel? Don't they rotate on their own?
Dogs have no money. Isn't that amazing? They're broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
When humor goes, there goes civilization.