If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.

Imagine what it would be like if TV actually was good. It would be the end of everything we know.

Hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil, and you'll never be a television anchorman.

When you watch television, you never see people watching television. We love TV because it brings us a world in which television doesn't exist.

Dana Carvey

I'm 30 years old, but I read at the 34-year-old level.

John le Carre

Having your book turned into a movie is like seeing your oxen turned into bouillon cubes.

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