Everything I want is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
If it tastes good, it's trying to kill you.
My idea of heaven is a great big baked potato and someone to share it with.
The toughest part of being on a diet is shutting up about it.
I'm on a grapefruit diet. I eat everything but grapefruit.
Diets are mainly food for thought.
Do you hunt your own truffles or do you hire a pig?
Eternity is two people and a roast turkey.
I no longer prepare food or drink with more than one ingredient.
The upper crust is a bunch of crumbs held together by dough.