Jackie Mason

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

Franklin P. Jones

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.

I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.

Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to know a quack.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Lily Tomlin

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then -- we elected them.

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