I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rearview mirror.
If it ain't broke, you can probably still fix it. That's my motto.
I went on a 45-day diet. It's going great. I've already lost 30 days.
Normal is in the eye of the beholder.
There's nothing better than contagious laughter.
Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they're the ones who can sign you into the home.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
A saleslady holds up an ugly dress and says, 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?
Comedy is acting out optimism.
I am odd-looking. Sometimes I think I look like a Muppet.