David Letterman

People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy toook the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

George Carlin

I'm always relieved when someone delivers a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

Jim Carrey

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Lily Tomlin

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Bob Hope

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

Bette Midler

If somebody makes me laugh, I'm his slave for life.

Lawrence Summers

No one in the history of the world ever washed a rented car.

Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.

Her virtue was that she said what she thought; her vice that what she thought didn't amount to much.

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