I am inclined to think that one's education has been in vain if one fails to learn that most schoolmasters are idiots.

It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a scientific man to pass through a door.

A dentist is a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coins out of your pocket.

Auditors watch a battle from the safety of a hillside and when the battle is over, come down to count the dead and bayonet the wounded.

Amborse Bierce

An observatory is where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

Consultants are people who borrow your watch to tell you the time and then walk off with it.

Andre Drucker

Economists are people who think that the poor need them to tell them that they are poor.

Accounting is a malicious extension of the banking conspiracy.

An actuary is someone who moved out of accounting because he couldn't stand the excitement.

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