Once a newspaper touches a story, the facts are lost forever, even to the protagonists.

Don't make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they'll treat you like dogs.

Whenever I feel like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.

Chancey Depew

I get my exercise acting as a pall-bearer to my friends who exercise.

Kinky Friedman

No one has ever actually called a cat. They come when they wish.

Horses: Dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle

Douglas Jerrold

The only athletic sport I ever mastered was backgammon.

Craig Brown

Journalism could be described as turning one's enemies into money.

Julius Caesar

Veni, Vidi, Vici: I came, I saw, I conquered.


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