I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.
Dancing with her was like moving a piano.
The food was as tastefully forgettable as... as... Oh, I can't remember.
I wish to see beer become common instead of the whiskey which kills one-third of our citizens, and ruins their families.
Some of the waiters discuss the menu with you as if they were sharing wisdom picked up in the Himalayas.
The 85 cent dinner tasted like a discarded mail bag and was served to me by a waiter who looked as if he would slug me for a quarter, cut my throat for six-bits, and bury me in a barrel of concrete for a dollar-and-a-half plus sales tax.
Some of the most dreadful mischiefs that afflict mankind proceed from wine; it is the cause of disease, quarrels, sedition, idleness, aversion to labor, and every species of domestic disorder.
Watching baseball is like going to a lecture by a member of the Slow... Talkers... Of... America. It's like turning on the TV when the cable is out. It's like watching grass -- no, Astroturf -- grow.
He dances like a drunk killing cockroaches.
What on earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.