Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.
One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. The word is love.
If you say a modern celebrity is an adulterer, a pervert, and a drug addict, all it means is that you've read his autobiography.
If you really want to hurt your parents, and you don't have the nerve to be homosexual, the least you can do is go into the arts.
I hate to spread rumors, but what else can one do with them?
Indecision may or may not be my problem.
The honest man must be a perpetual renegade.
Very few men are wise by their own counsel, or learned by their own teaching. For he that was only taught by himself had a fool as his master.
Employees make the best dates. You don't have to pick them up, and they're always tax-deductible.
Wit has truth in it. Wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.