Jack Handey

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

Dennis the Menace

How come dumb stuff seems so smart while you're doing it?

Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.

The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left-handed people are in their right mind.

Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

A. Whitney Brown

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

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